Tuesday, May 31, 2005


"Spiced" With Pomposity...

Hey, Andrew, POSEUR ALERT!!!!

So, "Sir" Bob Geldoff and his "Live 8" organizers announced today that the Spice Girls won't be part of the multi-act 20th anniversary of the Live Aid shows. Apparently, their music is too light for the "serious" undertaking -- the Make Poverty History campaign to reduce debt in developing nations.

Many of the biggest rock stars in the world have agreed to take part in the free shows that will be performed in London, Philadelphia, Paris, Berlin and Rome, and sadly, the Spice Girls just don't fit, according to a BBC spokesman:

"It's a political rally to put pressure on world leaders and their
kind of pop act didn't seem right for this kind of event. There was also a practical problem that with so many great international rock stars and bands wanting to do their bit, there just won't be time for the Spice Girls.

"Perhaps, if five or six bands pulled out it would be different,
but the truth is it's just not going to happen."

As they say across the pond, "Bollocks!"

This is why a) People hate pretentious celebrities; b) Brits hate the pretentious BBC.

Make no mistake -- on principle, I hate the Spice Girls. Back in the day, when I was a regular DJ, I never liked playing them. But, the fact is that "the kids" did like them -- and not just the pre-teens either. The mid-20s club-going, bachelorette-party youth that loves dumb pop songs. Furthermore, stunning boor like Robbie Williams is the right "kind of pop act"? Would a Spice Girls reunion have brought even more attention to the "Live 8" show -- more so than yet another likely insufferable performance by Paul McCartney?

Bloody likely.

Oh, and of course, 50 Cent is just "right for this kind of event": I'm sure these (printable for a family-friendly blog) lyrics will warm the cockles of politicians across the world:

You can find me in the club, bottle full of Bud
Mama, I got that X, if you into takin' drugs
I'm into having sex, I ain't into making love
So come give me a hug if you into getting rubbed

Let's take a look at the arguably "non-serious" bands who performed at the 1985 show. In Philadelphia: The Hooters (hometown heroes), Billy Ocean, Rick Springfield, Bryan Adams, REO Speedwagon, Kenny Loggins, Sheena Easton; in London: Adam Ant, Spandau Ballet, Nik Kershaw, Howard Jones, Autograf (yeah, who?) Paul Young, Elton John, Kool & The Gang.

Oh, and Phil Collins made a big deal of using the Concorde to play both venues.

But, "Live 8" has to be more about "message" than "music." Thus, let's have as much preachy stuff from as many over-the-hill "thoughtful" rockers as possible, to let the world know that poverty is bad, BAD I tell you! Oh, and, while we're at it, where did most of the $100 million go from the last Live Aid concert?

Maybe the reason the Spice Girls are not deemed appropriate for the new "Live Aid" is that the title of their biggest hit accurately describes "Sir" Geldof and Co.'s arrogant pretensions to saintly diplomacy: "Wannabe."

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