RAGGED THOTS: Debate Prep

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Debate Prep

Today's Republican debate starts at 4 PM Eastern time. CNBC will be covering it live and then MSNBC will rebroadcast it at 9. Chris "Hardball/Big Mouth" Matthews and Maria "Money Honey" Bartiromo will be moderating.

As I'm at work, I can't do this myself (yeah, right), but I think there is a great opportunity for a drinking game here:

One shot for every time Rudy Giuliani mentions 9/11 (An extra shot for the furthest stretch between premise of question to "9/11" answer from Rudy, i.e. candidate explains how his view on taxes changed because of September 11.);

Three shots if Judy calls during the debate (extra shot if she's IN THE AUDIENCE);

One shot each time Mitt Romney uses the word "competence" or phrase "management experience";

One shot if Mike Huckabee asks electorate to "Take another chance on Hope";

One shot for every time Sam Brownback uses the word "life";

Three shots if anti-immigrant Tom Tancredo accidentally refers to the senator from Kansas as, "My friend Sam Wetback";

Two shots if Fred Thompson asks why the "audience applause-sign" isn't lit;

Drink into oblivion after the FIFTH self-serving reference to Ronald Reagan (will most likely occur within first 15 minutes).

Expel alcohol out through the nose in shock if a candidate mentions George W. Bush without moderator prompting.

UPDATE: A very talented reader sent this along. Absolutely hilarious...

Come listen to a story about a man named Fred,
A poor country lawyer, barely kept his family fed,
He was out one day, just a-hustlin’ for some food,
When along came a US Senator dude.
(Baker, that is. Howard. Dirksen son-in-law.)

Well, Baker found Fred so suave and debonair,
That he said, “young feller, move away from there!”
He said, “Capitol Hill is the place you oughta be!”
So they loaded up Fred’s truck, and he moved to D.C.
( Washington, that is. Lobbyists. Embassies.)

Now, Fred got involved with a thing called Watergate,
Tried to play both sides, nearly got his breakfast ate,
For just when he thought he was doin’ really swell,
The President told folks Fred was dumber than hell!
(Nixon, that is. Millhous. Tricky Dick.)

Fred had sideburns nearly down his chin,
And some folks said, “Fred, you’re uglier than sin!”
But Fred was sick of toiling at the bar,
So, against tremendous odds, he became a movie star.
(Film actor, that is. TV, too. Law & Order.)

So, thanks to Hollywood , ole Fred’s a millionaire,
Once again, folks are sayin’, “Fred, move away from there!”
They say, “In the White House is the place you oughta be!”
So he loaded up the truck, and hired Bill Lacy.
(Campaign manager, that is. Seasoned guy. Worked for Dole.)

So soon it may be time to say bye to Fred and lovely Jeri,
Now that Fred’s a candidate, things are startin’ to get hairy,
He’s got to hit a home run in his very first debate,
Or he’ll have the shortest run of any candidate!
(Exceptin’ Tommy Thompson, that is. He hardly even set a spell.)

Y’all come back, now!