Friday, December 11, 2009


A Whiter Shade of Fail

The Washington Post's Eugene Robinson made this point -- the unbearable whiteness of being a Tiger Woods 'ho -- in a serious and earnest manner. He thus failed miserably.

On the other hand, this satirical outlet delivers with Onionesque accuracy. Best line: "Sharpton, who has long championed taking black women as mistresses, said that today’s black athletes need to stop neglecting black women when it comes to extramarital affairs, and should follow the examples of positive black role models such as Jesse Jackson and Martin Luther King, Jr., both of whom cheated on their wives with black women."

This line also has a painful "truth-in-comedy" aspect to it as well: "Sharpton also stressed that cheating with African-American women would help the black community financially by giving black girls the chance to sell their stories to tabloids and gossip magazines."

On a slightly related (in the Tiger category), I was at a "holiday" (sorry, Mr. O'Reilly) party last night and a soon-to-be-married guy observed, "One lesson to be seen in this is that for a married person, it's very stupid to cheat with people who have far less to lose than yourself." Actually, that holds true for any successful individual in a supposedly "committed" relationship. This could explain why Derek Jeter is pretty smart to date fairly well-known female celebrities -- actresses, models, singers, etc. Even when they break up, it's rare to hear any of them trash him in the gossip pages. Maybe it's because he's a gentleman; maybe it's because there's an unspoken MAD (mutually-assured-destruction) understanding between exes.

So, financially and socially-successful cheaters, caveat emptor: Try to engage in SAF -- Status Appropriate F*****!!! Another way of saying this is, "The easiest way to f***-up your life is to f*** down."

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