Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Covering M'assa
WASHINGTON (AP), March 10, 2010 -- With a fervor that some observers found surprising, Democratic Party leaders uniformly applauded New York Rep. Eric Massa's stunning all-out media blitz in the wake of his decision to resign from Congress Monday. Even the sordid nature of Massa's interviews and the apparent sex scandal from which they sprung couldn't restrain Democrats' glee. One doesn't have to grope too far to find multiple reasons for why they're simply tickled to death. It's not just another sneaky way to lower the number of votes needed to pass health care reform (while simultaneously changing the topic); it's not just a move to effectively get the "apparent hanky-panky with male staffers" storylines, uh, behind the party.
Nope, most important of all, Massa's resignation finally takes attention away from the problems of Gov. David Paterson, now-former House Ways & Means Chairman Charlie Rangel and Rep. Gregory Meeks. "It was a real mensch move on the part of that ole white Massa to take away some attention from all the New York black politicians who've gotten into so much trouble over the last month," said fellow Caucasian Democratic New Yorker Rep. Jerry Nadler.
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi added, "Sure, a lot of this mess started with Eliot Spitzer, but you know how racist the public is: They've forgetten about that and will just start thinking that only black Democrats are corrupt. Jack Murtha dying also didn't help us level the pay-for-playing field in that regard."
Pelosi added, "Heaven help us if one of our black members had been implicated in a sex scandal too!! But, thankfully Massa's affirmative action [Monday] helps rebut all that. Just call us "Massa-pleased!"
There is a downside. Compounding Democrats growing ethics woes, three former Republican members of Congress -- ex-Speaker Denny Hastert, former National Republican Congressional Committee Chairman Tom Reynolds and ex-Rep. Mark Foley -- filed suit Monday against Democrats.
The charge? Plagiarism.
A growing number of Republicans believe Democrats are intentionally stealing from the GOP's 2006 playbook.
"Wrecklessly following a policy that the public uniformly hates, major ethics issues -- and now a member hitting on male staffers?!!? This can't be a coincidence. Democrats are ripping us off, pure and simple. How dare they try to take a page, um, well, intern from our book? We won't fracking stand for it," said Hastert in a statement.
Indeed, reports that Steny Hoyer was aware of Massa's possible indiscretion with a male staffer is reminiscent of charges and counter-charges that both Hastert and Reynolds looked the other way when informed about Mark Foley's hyper-texting encounters with male pages.
Contrary to conventional wisdom, Democrats assert that Massa's much-described Rahm Emanuel gym incident actualy proves that they're not as corrupt as their GOP counterparts. "Republicans have been screaming about transparency for months," noted Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-NY). "Now that the White House chief of staff has stepped forward, shown he has nothing to hide and is actually a stand-up guy, Republicans are still complaining."
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Nope, most important of all, Massa's resignation finally takes attention away from the problems of Gov. David Paterson, now-former House Ways & Means Chairman Charlie Rangel and Rep. Gregory Meeks. "It was a real mensch move on the part of that ole white Massa to take away some attention from all the New York black politicians who've gotten into so much trouble over the last month," said fellow Caucasian Democratic New Yorker Rep. Jerry Nadler.
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi added, "Sure, a lot of this mess started with Eliot Spitzer, but you know how racist the public is: They've forgetten about that and will just start thinking that only black Democrats are corrupt. Jack Murtha dying also didn't help us level the pay-for-playing field in that regard."
Pelosi added, "Heaven help us if one of our black members had been implicated in a sex scandal too!! But, thankfully Massa's affirmative action [Monday] helps rebut all that. Just call us "Massa-pleased!"
There is a downside. Compounding Democrats growing ethics woes, three former Republican members of Congress -- ex-Speaker Denny Hastert, former National Republican Congressional Committee Chairman Tom Reynolds and ex-Rep. Mark Foley -- filed suit Monday against Democrats.
The charge? Plagiarism.
A growing number of Republicans believe Democrats are intentionally stealing from the GOP's 2006 playbook.
"Wrecklessly following a policy that the public uniformly hates, major ethics issues -- and now a member hitting on male staffers?!!? This can't be a coincidence. Democrats are ripping us off, pure and simple. How dare they try to take a page, um, well, intern from our book? We won't fracking stand for it," said Hastert in a statement.
Indeed, reports that Steny Hoyer was aware of Massa's possible indiscretion with a male staffer is reminiscent of charges and counter-charges that both Hastert and Reynolds looked the other way when informed about Mark Foley's hyper-texting encounters with male pages.
Contrary to conventional wisdom, Democrats assert that Massa's much-described Rahm Emanuel gym incident actualy proves that they're not as corrupt as their GOP counterparts. "Republicans have been screaming about transparency for months," noted Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-NY). "Now that the White House chief of staff has stepped forward, shown he has nothing to hide and is actually a stand-up guy, Republicans are still complaining."
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Labels: Charlie Rangel, David Paterson, Eric Massa, Gregory Meeks, satire
